Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
