be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Randomize
