Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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