sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
