He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
