Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
she peed on how many people?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
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test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
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I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?