We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm at about main and main street
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.