We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...