just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
The Most Iconic Met Gala Looks The Kardashian’s Have Rocked
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread