Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Dating After Heartbreak
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.