i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
