I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
