You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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