im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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