How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
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