Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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