I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize