"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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