Banned from zoo.
Again?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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