You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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