I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
