Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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