Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I have feelings that need drinking.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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