So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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