So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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