dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
