Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
