dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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