from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
