You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?