I think my fart just growled at me.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
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dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
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You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.