Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
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Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
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If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?