I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Of course I have a pirate flag
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
