dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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