Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
