I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the night ended with taco bell and tears
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
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