i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I think I have vodka in my lungs
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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