If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
we made out on top of his cat.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize