i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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