So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
