News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
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