your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
