Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
