3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
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