WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
