So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
