I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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