And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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