I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
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