well I can't set my house on fire every night
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
