omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
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