Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
