Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I don't think brook has ever known best
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
