I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
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I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
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Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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