Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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