In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
