I puked a lego.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
