I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
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