I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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