I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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