Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize