theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
