ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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