in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
