last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
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so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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